we have officially lost it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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