And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you never un-have a 4some
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize