after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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