Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Floor bacon is actually really good
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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