My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
