Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
