a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
