I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
