apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
