So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
