True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Text me some of your sweat
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
