dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
whose parrot is this?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
