ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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