Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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