What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
