he told me I talked like a deaf person
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
