Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
