y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
