There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
