So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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