My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
