id be glad to
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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