The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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