it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
