Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
