Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You work out of a Hotel?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
