So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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