Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
