Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize