I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
