sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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