Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
