"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm at about main and main street
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
