I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
