Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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