i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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