dude i'm inner monologue high
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
