Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
