I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
