can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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