My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize