When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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