Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize
