the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
