the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
