the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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