This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
