Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
