So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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