did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
