omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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