I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
