Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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