totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I enjoy the company of your penis
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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