how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
