I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
one might say we're banned from that church
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
