the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize