remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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