i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
In other news, I just burned my penis
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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