If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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