i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
