he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
