i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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