you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
