Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize