ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
