its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
