like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All I want is dick and wine.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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