lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
