Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
