she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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