God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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