If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
