If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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