I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize