69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
